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December 16th, 2009

thebetterhand

12:49 pm LOL I basically accepted my internship promoting one of City Paper's blogs and NPR literally just called me offering me a spot in their Communications department because Development is full. Fuck/is this for real/now what am I going to do?

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December 15th, 2009

saywhat

11:07 am - If I can't sleep, I turn to If Jess is already asleep, I usually get up and do a little late-night internet surfing or I eat a bowl of ceral. Weird. I know.

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December 13th, 2009

thebetterhand

10:55 pm I won't miss the 20-minute drive up Rhode Island Ave., even when it's foggy and the traffic lights are burning blurs in the distance, because everything sinks a little when I make the right turn off to go home. It's like I don't know why I'm coming back here. Six months until I don't have to.

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December 12th, 2009

thebetterhand

10:59 am Additionally and completely unrelated to the stream of consciousness that was my last entry, last night I had a dream that I was wearing an awesome pair of slippers and now I'm sitting at my desk in leggings and a t-shirt and my feet are absolutely freezing and I wish I had the slippers I was wearing in my dream.

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December 11th, 2009

thebetterhand

11:37 pm Finding out that I can graduate early has been the most liberating, crazy-awesome thing for me this week. I have a storied history of being at odds with "the college experience": I never wanted to go away anyway, but Key does something to your brain, pressurizes you and pushes you into going to a four-year school even if you could forage your way without one. So I felt like I had to go—not because of my family, not because of my friends, but because of my private, liberal-arts high school. So I looked at schools that were like my private, liberal-arts high school, and I looked at schools that would let me hide behind my camera, and I knew that I couldn't go to any of them, and the two, three weeks of my life that I spent visiting colleges were the worst two, three weeks of my life. I was so frustrated because there was nowhere that I wanted to be. When, after years of talking to my parents and my grandmother about where they lived and how they grew up and visiting open houses on Sundays with my dad and picking my jaw up off the ground when I walked into the ugly, ugly, offensive, cold McMansions that so many people I knew lived in, I knew that I wanted to learn about why people lived where they did and how I could help them live better. And when I visited Boulder the mountains made me feel alive, but it was like kissing someone for the first time—you always fall in love a little bit with the person that you kiss for the first time—and so I thought that Boulder would be home but it wasn't and now over half of the entries in this journal are about the year and a half I've spent recovering and moving on and moving away from that place that was nothing like me, that held nothing for me. And I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of myself for the two summers I've spent taking classes and the semesters I've loaded 18 credits into and the fact that I dropped out of the Honors English program because what matters is getting the fuck out and I'm so proud of myself for finally being able to be honest and to say that what matters is getting the fuck out. Because I'm not college. I never wanted to be college. I hated the party scene in Boulder and I don't like the bar scene in College Park. I don't like that living 15 minutes from campus makes me feel like I can sleep through class and I don't care about Greek life and I don't feel like these are the best four years of my life because if they are, why would I even bother going on beyond them? So in a way, hearing that we couldn't renew the Hopkins House lease was a relief: my half-joke about moving to DC, alone, became serious and two days later it hit me that if I didn't do Honors English I could be done. I could be done with being an undergrad forever a semester earlier than I had planned and it is like a million tons have been lifted off my shoulders and I'm excited. I'm more excited about my American Studies thesis than I ever was and I'm more excited about my living situation than I ever was and I'm so excited to graduate in December, and say "fuck it" to the fanfare, and just leave. Because that's all I've really wanted and it's all I thought I couldn't do. And I can.

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December 9th, 2009

thebetterhand

01:27 am +Secured shit with Washington City Paper for next semester if I want it. +If I do, I'll probably be working with the writer/editor of Housing Complex. INTERNET BONER. +Applying to the editorial internship in DC for the New Yorker. A-OK. +This weekend is the last one at the Diamondback because we only publish one finals issue. +Forgetters/Amsterdam Falafel this Saturday night probably. +Actually really, really, really wanting to move to DC and being stoked on it. In, like, six months. +The English department is trying to make it so that I can do Honors even though I'm blatantly refusing to enroll in the classes. Nice of them, but... +I'm graduating early, motherfuckers. I CAN GRADUATE EARLY I HAVE WORKED SO HARD FOR THIS. +I bought like 80% of the Christmas gifts I'm going to give and there is still like $100 in my checking account. +So I can be drunk all through finals week. +I'm probably actually going to read 50 books by the end of the year. +This. You. This. All of it.

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December 7th, 2009

thebetterhand

05:08 pm I am pretty serious about trying to: 1. Graduate a semester early. 2. Move to DC when the Hopkins lease is up because I will be graduating a semester early. I am like 80% sure that is actually a viable possibility. Unf.

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December 4th, 2009

saywhat

03:29 pm - Work Today has been a very productive day at work. I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of things. Not working is the pits. Current Location: United States, Pennsylvania, Chambersburg Current Mood: bouncy Tags: work

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December 3rd, 2009

thebetterhand

12:44 am We're probably not going to be able to renew the lease on our house next year and I want to move to DC so badly and I am spinning through scenarios and trying to even figure out if that is rational or possible.

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